Magda’s Story

During the Covid-19 Pandemic, Magda was referred to the !Audacious Well-Being Course by a Domestic Violence support worker. She was a 35 year old mother of 2 young children, unemployed and had been recently widowed.

The Course leader and Magda’s small group leader met up with her in March 2023 to ask her about her experience of doing the Course.

“I was in a dark place to be honest, my kid’s dad passed away, the kids were very young. I didn’t know how to be a mother, a father, everyone in my kids family. The bills, cooking – every single thing for me was a problem. Very depressing and stressful.

It was the pandemic, not going out and the kids dad passed away in August 2020. I couldn’t go to anyone, I couldn’t see anyone and face to face chatting on WhatsApp wasn’t enough for me. I was feeling like I am in prison, with all the thoughts and screaming children. I didn’t know how to explain to the children what was happening, what was happening to me. I felt at the time, I didn’t want to be a mother because I couldn’t help myself. Before I can help them I have to be able to help myself and I couldn’t do it. Hopeless. I wasn’t driving at the time.
I remember when we had our (course) sessions, the kids were around me. I didn’t know how to calm down my thoughts and feelings, it was always frustrating for me, trying to concentrate on the sessions, the kids were running around, it was very stressful for me. Many times I was shutting my video down, it was very bad. Dad was diagnosed with cancer and he had 6 months to live. He was everything.”

“To be honest I was in a relationship where there was domestic violence and it took me a long time to grab the phone and call the police. We were together for 12 years, I knew it was his anger. I thought, ‘I have to do it’. I called. I got a support worker; a social worker. She came and spoke to me. I told her what happened and she put me on a parenting course and then the !Audacious Well-being course.

“We learnt about the Stress Bucket. That was something I took on board, and started acknowledging my moods. It transformed me. Instead of being an angry mummy, locked in the house 24/7 with the kids I start looking at myself, what I am doing, trying to understand why I am feeling like this. Before I was just feeling angry and frustrated and now because of the course, we were talking about the Stress Bucket and how we can unload the stress and we had some good tips and also talking to a group of people it was very helpful for me. I was thinking ‘it is only me’. I knew it was not only me, but listening to others I felt it was normal and ‘it is ok’ and if they can manage to help themselves with the course, I can do it too.

I remember we were talking about what can we change about our thoughts, our moods, our behaviour. I really followed all the instructions to the point I stopped following them, they just became normal to me until now.”

“It did give me hope. I remember finishing the session and I was feeling like I was refreshed and for some reason whatever day or week I had, from that day it felt like a fresh start for me until the next session. My relationship with the kids also got better. They started joining me and started listening to the songs with me. I remember it was quiet when the songs finished. They went upstairs and it was okay. “

“Looking back I don’t know how I did it to be honest. It was all the people in the group who put my head up and helped me believe in myself. We were there for each other in the group.

I remember texting my small group leader that my dad passed away and I cannot attend the group. I know it is a sad thing when someone passes away, but for some reason I felt strong. I wasn’t like this before. I felt strong and I knew it’s okay. And with me seeing every day differently because of the course, I woke up with a fresh mind. I thought ‘it doesn’t matter what’s happened today, I am going to put my thoughts in a good bag, not thinking about the shopping and the kids’. What I learnt from the (course) book was amazing. It helped me go through the Pandemic. It helped me go through being with my children 24/7; which for a single mother and no family is sometimes too much and I’d felt like I didn’t want to be a mother anymore. I felt connection, I was very grateful in my heart. In the beginning I was always quiet in the group as I didn’t know people and now I am trying to talk when I see new people and listen to their stories.”

“It is still stressful, but at least I know how to deal with this. I remember on the Course we were talking about going and finding our comfy space and just close your eyes and breathe. That is what I started doing. I close my eyes and meditate on this. It takes 5-10 minutes but it does help, I feel like; ‘okay, let’s start again, let’s go and face my kids again in a different way’. And then automatically for some reason I can feel peace in my chest and I love my kids and I am understanding they are only 7 and 8 years old and they are allowed not to understand. And my approach to them is different and that is all because of those tips we learnt on the Course. I am taking my time, trying to sit down and write on a piece of paper what am I thinking, all those tips about writing down, then I can see on the paper, what can I change, what can I prioritise more than the other. It is amazing. I now know the Stress Bucket. I asked the children to draw it for me. Whatever we did in the (course) book, I teach my daughter.

I feel different. I passed my driving test. Everything changed. I believed in myself more. Before the course I didn’t have a job. I now work in a children’s nursery. I have people I have amazing relationships with. Whatever I pray for, it is happening! I look at things with completely different eyes. I am not angry. Life is different; my mum even said to me; she can see my change – ‘I don’t know what is happening to you, but I want to feel the same’ she said.

Since completing the Course Magda is now attending the Alpha Course.